Tightening the purse strings

I can’t sleep. I sit here with the wee one peacefully unaware of my dilemma. I still have a few more months to weigh the pros and cons.
I really really do NOT want to return to work. I may be a tad old fashion, but I believe that a mothers place is with her children. I do realize that this is not always possible. But I’m going to try with all my power to make it happen.
Currently I’m on maternity leave, so I’m collecting EI. It has been a tough go. But it’s a million times better than welfare assistance. I think welfare is a dirty word. And a stigma is very much attached to it.
Yes that’s right I’m considering going on assistance to stay home and watch my only daughter grow. Judge me if you want.
Yes I’ve looked into applying for it. EI seems like a cake walk. As much as I’ve complained about how little they give you. Assistance is much, much less. I hate money, I’ve never been good with it. And I want to give her so much. I’m already living at the poverty level. If I take assistance, funny they call it that. I’ll be living far below it.
I’m torn. And it’s breaking my heart. I’d love to find a data entry work from home kinda thing. Finding a ligit one seems like a job in its self.
Sometimes I think that being a single mother is like having a massive Scarlett letter.

Wordless Wednesday

Now that she is proficient in the crawling department. Be still my heart. She is trying to pull up on everything. Was it not just yesterday that you just wanted to lay in my arms and sleep?
Why does the first year have to go at super speed?
Don’t get me wrong I love watching her grow. It’s amazing to me. But please slow it down just a bit?

Furry visitor

A couple of days ago a friend was in a bind. He needed someone to watch his dog for a few hours. Of course I didn’t mind. The wee miss had met Lupin many times, and loved him.
He was always very patient with her. She does have a death grip, that could rival a pitt bull. Here are a few pictures of the cuteness

Eight months

On the 12th the tater tot turned the big eight months. This has been the quickest eight months of my life. Slow down, please I beg

Mothering day

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I’m glad it is coming to a close. It was a stressful, and loooong ass day.
My first official Mothers day was filled with overwhelming emotions. A number of melt downs from the wee one. And the plethora of rude obnoxious fellow humans.
As what seems the norm lately with the wee tater tot. We were up at the crack of stupid o’clock of the morning. Which is in non parent time 5:30. I don’t know if it’s the two bottom teeth pushing through. Or the wonderful early rising sun. But it’s killing me. I did try to no avail to cajole her back to the land of nod. So up we got, I fixed myself a brew. As she proceeded to empty the toy box. By 8 she was going downhill fast. A nap was desperately in order. I prayed that it wouldn’t be one of her famous twenty minute power naps. I did get an hour and a half out of her

Now to get us both ready for our mothers day tea. That went pretty well, but she swirled downhill. Quick throw everything in the bag and move move move. Before getting out of the house becomes impossible. Now we didn’t have to meet the other moms for an hour and a half. This is my life with my spirited child. We are NEVER late for anything. I thought for sure a nap as we rolled. Nope. And I knew that once we were rolling with the others. No way she would. Why would she, she might miss out on something extremely important.

The tea was nice, cute little finger sandwiches. So many mommas and wee ones. She did pretty well, but I knew it wasn’t going to last long. I was right.

Arrggg. Ok I’m going to stop bitching about how hard it was. Because really everyday is hard. But in the next breath, as I sit here in the glow of the tv. With the wee ones steady breathing next to me. My heart is full, more full then I’ve ever imagined. This tiny little being can make me want to pull my hair out. But I take a deep breath, turn back. And that perfect face is smiling back at me. Arm out stretched. And all is good the bad and hard disappear.
It’s not my child that should be thanking me on this day. It is I who should be thanking her. After all I’m a mother because of her.
But I really could use a massage

Wordless Wednesday

I know I said wordless. But I should explain my absence. It won’t last for long, as this helps me keep my sanity. Thanks to everyone who still sticks around, and reads my ramblings.

When my niece was in town, we decided to go to the aquarium. It was the first time for all of us. The wee Miss LOVED it, mind you so did we.

Co-sleeping

Yes call the authorities, I co-sleep. At first due to the stigma that seems to surround bed sharing. I kept my mouth shut and told no one. I’ve witnessed backlash from non attachment parents.
Now I’m so much stronger in my beliefs, and parenting style. That I will tell anyone.

I’ve never seen anything wrong with a family bed. I know there are studies that say, it’s a cause of SIDS. But really any unexplained death, they blame on SIDS. If you practice safe bed sharing you shouldn’t have any problems. Family bed checklist

Sure, it not for everyone or every baby. Many parents find they don’t sleep as well. Or baby wakes at every movement or sound. This is where I would suggest you still keep your child close. Studies have shown that, even just having your child in a crib in the same room promotes almost the same closeness.

I don’t know if I find it all easier being a single mum doing this style of parenting. Or that it might be that she very well could be my only child. And I want to be as close to her for as long as possible. But it works for us.

I’m always curious about others parenting styles. What works and doesn’t varies from house to house. I think I pull from many different places. But I’m rooted in attachment.