Nine months

Today my beautiful heart turned nine months.

It’s been a crazy month for us. So many new things. Her world seems to be expanding at a rapid pace. I’m still in awe everything that has taken place in such a short period.
She is moving around the house at warp speed now. It’s kind of nice that she can come to me now. I know how selfish of me. It didn’t take her long after the crawling started for her to be pulling up on everything.

Here she is letting me know that the TV is dusty.
With all this moving, it just seems I have absolutely no time for myself. You can’t leave the busy bee alone for a second. Because she will find something to get into. Or put in her mouth. Yes I now have my own personal human roomba.
We finally have bottom teeth. It took long enough. Phewf. But not two weeks later the screaming started all over again. I don’t know if she feels like she is behind or something. But low and behold, four new top teeth just below the surface. Her left top front has made a slight appearance. But I can see the other three. And my god can I hear them.
Needless to say sleeping has been a bitch this last month. She wakes a million times in the night. Some mornings I don’t know if I’m coming or going. And no amount of coffee seems to help my plight.
Top it off we had our first sickness a week ago. From Friday to Monday she had a fever. It climbed to just over 103. Of course it worried the hell out of me. I thought that teething could be a part of it. But apparently as per the quack doctor. Fever is not associated with teething any more???!!! He figured it was roseola. Which I guess is pretty common. He said once the fever breaks. She would get a rash, which she did. Thankfully it was a very uneventful rash. The only upside of it was. I got to have a super cuddly bubba for a few days.

Thank you for the last nine months my sweet girl. Even if you refuse to get changed or dressed any more and scream and cry like I’m killing you. For my sloppy open mouth kisses, when I ask for them. For wanting to touch every tree, wall, poll, window. Oh hell everything when we are on a walk. To being a big help turning lights on and off. For filling my heart with so much love. For picking me as your momma. Love you baby girl

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Tightening the purse strings

I can’t sleep. I sit here with the wee one peacefully unaware of my dilemma. I still have a few more months to weigh the pros and cons.
I really really do NOT want to return to work. I may be a tad old fashion, but I believe that a mothers place is with her children. I do realize that this is not always possible. But I’m going to try with all my power to make it happen.
Currently I’m on maternity leave, so I’m collecting EI. It has been a tough go. But it’s a million times better than welfare assistance. I think welfare is a dirty word. And a stigma is very much attached to it.
Yes that’s right I’m considering going on assistance to stay home and watch my only daughter grow. Judge me if you want.
Yes I’ve looked into applying for it. EI seems like a cake walk. As much as I’ve complained about how little they give you. Assistance is much, much less. I hate money, I’ve never been good with it. And I want to give her so much. I’m already living at the poverty level. If I take assistance, funny they call it that. I’ll be living far below it.
I’m torn. And it’s breaking my heart. I’d love to find a data entry work from home kinda thing. Finding a ligit one seems like a job in its self.
Sometimes I think that being a single mother is like having a massive Scarlett letter.

Seven months

My wee one has blessed my heart and life for seven months today. Sure it has had its hard moments. But I wouldn’t change one second of it.
I’ve realized how dull and boring my life was before her. Nothing gives me more pleasure then being a mother. Not only was she born seven months ago. But so was I. I will now and forever more be a mother.
Sure, there are moments that I miss the before life. But those are fleeting moments. All I have to do is look at that beautiful face smiling back at me. And I know that all the sleepless nights. The tears, poop, spit up, sore arms, crying. And everything else is so worth it. I’m so glad she picked me to be her mother. I hope that I can raise her right, and she can do the same for me. I’ve already grown so much. It’s amazing what such a tiny little being can do to you.

Five months

You are five months today. And the world is a better place because of it. My live hasn’t, and will never be the same. Love you bubba

The day after….

Grumpy day

This pretty much sums up today. Yesterday was the dreaded S day, S as in shots. She hates them, WE hate them. Such a horrible thing to do to a wee child. Yes I know somethings have to be done to protect her. But really, have you seen the length of those needles?!

At least it didn’t take as long for us to get through them this time. We had a smart nurse. She stabbed her once and we quickly switched sides, and stabbed her again. It’s the way it should be done. She is already in pain, and screaming. Why drag it out for the both of us.

I think it almost hurts me more than her. The pain cry, sets me off… My boobs get hard and leak, as do my eyes. And I just can’t think when she cries like that. All I want to do is fold her back into my womb and make her safe.

But it is my entertainment after she has calmed down. She always looks right at the nurse, sticks her hand in her mouth. And gives her the what for.

Today was the aftermath. She was a hot mess. Crying almost all day, slight fever. I couldn’t put her down, as soon as I did she would start all over again. We went for a three hours walk, it was the only way she would sleep. And she only really dozed. Poor little bugger

At least we have 8 weeks until they want to stab her again.

Tiny hands

I love to take pictures of her hands and feet. Who am I kidding, I just like to take pictures of her. But the photos of her little parts make me smile. They will not be little for long. This is one when she is sleeping. She holds her own hands until she drifts off to sleep.

Cord clamping

I did a lot of research on cord clamping before my daughter was born. I wanted to be as informed as possible. Most of the research was on lotus birth. I was in full agreement that why discard a part of her so quickly. This pouch of life was her buddy for 9 months. It fed her, comforted her, protected her, and gave her life.

So when she was born, we kept her tiny buddy attached. I ended up in the hospital for my birth. And this was not something that I was going to waver on. Since I had to on so many other things. My midwife had to fight for me on that one. They gave the we can’t do that speech. And we replied, we can and we are!. So needless to say we were the first people at the BC woman’s hospital to do a lotus birth. We didn’t doctor it with the herbs, it was just wrapped up in a sterile bag. And placed between her legs, and both of them were swaddled together.

I did only keep it attached for two days after her birth. It was tugging pretty good at her belly button, and making it inflamed. But the cord was so dry, I could have just cracked it off. We cut it pretty close, and by two days later the rest of it fell off. It was great that I never had to deal with the smell of rotting flesh. I remember that smell from my nieces and nephews, and was not looking forward to it. So that was another added benefit, it really does fall off quicker then having it cut right at birth. My placenta now sits in the freezer. I’m still undecided on what to do with it.

Oh I did find this neat article on waiting to cut the cord. And how it possibly prevents many health issues early on. Delayed cord clamping. If I’m ever-blessed to have another child, I will be doing a lotus birth again. I just hope more women can be informed about this and demand it.

Did you clamp right away?