What ever makes her happy
What ever makes her happy
Well, I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been away for some time, and so many things have transpired. So let me begin with the one day that will, so far be the worst day of my life.
On December 10th, two days before the wee ones 15 month birthday. Ugh still gives me nightmares. Honestly, I don’t even like talking about it. But here it goes.
The day started off wonderfully, she was in a great mood….. That would soon change. I didn’t feel like making breakfast. So we headed down to our local diner, The Tipper Restaurant. She loves it there, as does everyone there. She believes that she runs the joint. I let her out of the ergo so she could make her rounds and say hi. Off to the kitchen she ran. One of her favorite cooks was working, who immeditly scooped her up. This gave me the chance to grab a much needed coffee.
I hadn’t even taken a sip, when I heard her crying. I turned and headed into the kitchen. The cook was holding her, his face distraught. She was still crying, he was holding her hand. Of course I thought that she had touched the dishwasher, she is amazed by it. And it does get hot, so I asked still with a smile on my face, “did she touch it?” He just kept saying “I shouldn’t have let that happen” he was holding her hand with a paper towel. I grabbed her and noticed the blood on the towel. Here I was thinking that it was his blood. NOPE it was her’s. At this point I was starting to panic, but I couldn’t. Because I knew this would stress her out. I was holding her hand tight and asked what happened.
They were standing next to the dish washer, watching it work. Issue was they were too close, he had turned to see where I was. And at that exact moment, she stuck her teeny tiny finger into a hole. And when she did the machine cycled and sliced her finger. So here is the moment that still makes me sick. I thinking no biggie just a little cut, silly little girl, I removed the towel, my knees buckled. I had to almost sit on the floor. I’m sure I went white, her finger tip was hanging by a thread. I put the towel back and held it tighter and high above her heart. She is still crying, and as any mother knows. It’s that terrified, I’m in pain cry. And it rips right through you. I just kept saying “her finger, her finger. Its hanging off” The cook asked what he should do call an ambulance? I said call the owner who lives very close. I didn’t want to take my first ambulance ride with her. He wasn’t answering, so I said yes call.
She kept crying and signing milk over and over. I sat down waiting for the ambulance and nursed her. Which helped calm her for a bit. Seriously thank god for boobs. The ambulance whisked us away to the Children’s hospital.
Seems like this must be part one…. Someone has had a fever the last few days and needs her momma…
These last few days I’ve been hunkered down, dealing with a nasty virus. It was awful.
I’m thankful that she fared better than me. Another reason to love breast feeding. She gained antibodies to fend off the worse of it. Mind you my milk has suffered a bit do to the lack of eating. And the lovely few pounds I had gained back. Sigh were flushed down the toilet.
It really was the hardest few days. I’ve never looked more forward to bedtime in all my life. At least then I could snuggle with her. Roll her over to feed and still somewhat sleep. Mind you that is all I wanted to do. Curl in a ball and sleep.
When you are a single mum, there are no sick days. Somehow you have to find a way to push through. I don’t know how I did it. I did feel like a bad mum. I couldn’t play with her as much as I should have. It was painful to pick her up.
There was no lack of of me trying to find someone to come and give me a hand. But everyone works, or has their own wee ones. And I didn’t want them to get sick.
I was thankful for my local restaurant. The manager brought me toast the last few mornings. Good peeps!
But I could have killed for someone just to come over for an hour. Entertain her so I could curl up on the couch and wallow.
Does it get easier?
What ways to you find to cope?