There is no crying in baseball

Funny how a movie from the early 90’s can still produce one liners. For some reason, myself and one of my friends say this to her. And funny enough it does make her stop, even for a moment. As if to ask, why are you telling me not to cry. I want to damn it and I will.

Last week was a hum dinger. She was going through a rough teething period. The worst yet.

Hey tooth fairy… Send this girl a tooth please!!

The day after….

Grumpy day

This pretty much sums up today. Yesterday was the dreaded S day, S as in shots. She hates them, WE hate them. Such a horrible thing to do to a wee child. Yes I know somethings have to be done to protect her. But really, have you seen the length of those needles?!

At least it didn’t take as long for us to get through them this time. We had a smart nurse. She stabbed her once and we quickly switched sides, and stabbed her again. It’s the way it should be done. She is already in pain, and screaming. Why drag it out for the both of us.

I think it almost hurts me more than her. The pain cry, sets me off… My boobs get hard and leak, as do my eyes. And I just can’t think when she cries like that. All I want to do is fold her back into my womb and make her safe.

But it is my entertainment after she has calmed down. She always looks right at the nurse, sticks her hand in her mouth. And gives her the what for.

Today was the aftermath. She was a hot mess. Crying almost all day, slight fever. I couldn’t put her down, as soon as I did she would start all over again. We went for a three hours walk, it was the only way she would sleep. And she only really dozed. Poor little bugger

At least we have 8 weeks until they want to stab her again.

Baby, you got my number….

Oh this wee one, she has me wrapped around her finger. Hell she did the moment I first felt her kick. This last week has been one for the books. Its like having a newborn all over again. And I’m at my wits end for what its all about.

Oooh and now that she is rolling, its opened a whole new can of worms. I’ve never seen someone so happy that she accomplished something. And two minutes later so absoultly pissed off. I think this is only because she can’t get to what she wants. So she screams, and its horrible frustration screams. I try not to let her scream it out for long. But I do want her to try and figure things out for herself.

She screams louder…. I’m sure saying look woman just pick me up damit.

And of course I do. And it then takes five minute to get her settled back down. So I now have a child that I put down to play, and the first thing she does is roll over. Because hey I can why shouldn’t I. What use to be my saving grace to be able to wash dishes, or whip up a quick meal is now gone.

Learning is hard…..

And the fact that her poor little mouth hurts.. Cut a fucking tooth please I beg. Each morning I hope that a tiny pearly white will be looking back at me. She drools like a champ, chews on anything she can fit in her mouth. And even if she can she tries anyway. And then screams as she does it.

My wee one that just a week ago was hardly sleeping is now taking more naps. In my arms I might add, not wanting to be put down much at all. And if I do…. Yup you guessed it, she screams. Not that I’m complaining about the extra cuddles. And feeding oh lord, now we want to feed more. And not always a full feed. Sometimes just enough to calm her down.

I just hope this too will pass…

 

 

Horrible mommy day :(

I felt like a horrible mommy today. Adelayde was a bear for the last few days. Not sleeping long, crying A LOT, and feeding every hour. Of course I was doing everything I could. Feeding her when she wanted, even when I felt like just a food vessel. Rocking her, swaddling her, changing her. Nothing was working. I was at my wit’s end…..

I went to change her an hour ago, and like most times. I check her tiny toes for toe jam. I┬áhaven’t in a while, because low and behold. A mommy hair, wrapped tightly around her right middle toe. And when I say wrapped I mean, so tight it was cutting off circulation. Her cute little baby toe was a whole other color to the rest of them. Of course I panic, not smart. Because she now freaks out more as well. She rips her foot from my grasp, she wants me far away from it. But I want it off, give me back your foot PLEASE.

By this point I’m in tears with her. I don’t know what to do, I can’t find an end. It’s wrapped around twice, and I’m scared. So what do I do I call my handy-dandy midwives. I don’t know what else to do. I feel horrible having to interrupt their lives. But they called me right back and tried to calm me, so they could give me some direction. She said to try to get my nail under it and break it. Easier said then done, I had cut all my nails off the day before. She then suggested to soak it in warm water to try to loosen this. This was hard task to do, with a scream baby. And and equally crying mother. Out come my super sharp tweezers, which I was scared to use. They are tweezerman, and if you have a pair you know how sharp they are.

An hour goes by of me trying everything, but I think I got it. I know this by not being able to see it, not like I really could anyway. It was pretty deep in there. But she stopped crying and basically passed out in my arms. I wont really know until the swelling goes down. But there is a bit more normal color to it. But if in the morning it doesn’t look any better, we will go to the walk in down the street. My midwife said that she has heard about it, but had never know it happen to anyone. Yup that’s me, trail blazer.

Stupid me when she was asleep, went on the internet. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_tourniquet I think I would lose my mind if they had to cut her toe. Note to self…. be more of a monkey and groom groom!

The crying game

I wouldn’t really call it a game. But it seems that little miss sees it this way. Never fails, her bewitching hour. The time of day when she turns from my easy to deal with two month old. Into my fussy, don’t you dare put me down, I’m going to fight sleep until the bitter end child. Sometimes I think I’m living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

From 4pm until at least 10 or 11pm. Without fail she tests my patience. I know she is tired, she has that cry. You pace the apartment, hum, sing, talk softly. But she fights, even with her eyes rolling into the back of her tiny head. Hell she even keeps one eye ever so slightly open. As if to say, I’m watching you. You put me down I’m just going to cry. And you will just have to start this from the beginning. And just when you think she is fast asleep. You ever so gently bend over the bassinet. Carefully place her down, crossing fingers and toes. She sighs, you cringe. But thank baby Jesus her eyes stay closed.

I take a deep breath. My mind races what do I need to get done? Dishes? Shower? Dinner? Crap. There she goes. She has finally realized she is not in my arms. I’ve never felt the need to throw her over the balcony. But some days I’d like to jump. I love her, and I do love to snuggle with her. But my health has started to suffer.

My weight has started to plummet. My midwives don’t want me to waste away. I have a very high metabolism, and I breast feed. So needless to say I dropped to my pre-pregnancy weight very quickly. I try to eat, but I don’t get to as often or as much as I should. Because someone is always in my arms.

Ask for help. This is what I keep getting told. This is easier said then done. First most of my peeps have their own lives. Or they can’t come during her bad time. And I have always found it hard to ask for help. I don’t know if its pride, or stubbornness. Or that as a mother I feel like I should be able to do it. But single motherhood is a whole other ball of fun.

Any tips for putting her down once she is asleep? And not having her wake 10 seconds later? And please don’t say let her cry it out. This is something I don’t really agree with.