Back story before birth story..

I’ve decided that at some point I really need to write my birth story. Before all the finite details have disappeared into the cracks of my mind. First I should give you a bit of back story….

I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I knew that it was the one job that was made for me. Kids and animals always liked me more than the rest of the general public. I always was reading about pregnancy and birth, it fascinated me. Even in Jr High, my bio said that I was going to have twelve sets of twins. I was determined to have my own hockey team. Such lofty dreams I had in my teens.

At seventeen I had a bit of a set back that still haunts me to this day. I had an ectopic pregnancy. Being a fool hearty kid, I had no idea. I mean really I was seventeen, I just thought it was a really bad period. The pain was unreal, it got to the point that I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t sit or sand, I just curled into the fetal position and cried. I finally gave in and called my dad, and asked him to come take me to the hospital. It was there in the emergency room that the doctor, oh so nonchalantly said your pregnant. I was shocked, ok more than shocked. He then tried to explain to me that it wasn’t where is should be. And I would have to have surgery. What I heard was that they were going to give me an abortion, that I had no choice in.(don’t get me wrong. Everyone woman has the right to an abortion. I just couldn’t do it myself)  I don’t think I had ever cried so much in my life. My mind was all over the place. I was scared and stressed. I’d never had to have major surgery before, and I hated hospitals.

So I had the surgery, and was told after that I had almost died on the table. My blood pressure had disappeared, I think it was the fact that I was so scared. Maybe the fact that it was close to the point of bursting my tube and me hemorrhaging. Once I had come around the doctor, in his oh so wonderful bedside manner told me that I had a less than 50% chance of ever having a viable pregnancy. I would need to ovulate from the left side, as my right one is now one big scared defect. Along with my heart.

I was crushed, everything that I had wanted I was being told I might never have. It was the only job I ever wanted. From that point on I was very diligent with birth control. I was scared of having another one. Everyday it was still in the back of my mind. Would I never become a mother?

Now I don’t know if my birth story will be next.. And I’ll warn you now, it will be a long one. Well because it was haha…

 

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Just rambles

I use to write, a lot. I’ve been writing in a journal for as long as I can remember. I have boxes of them, full of tears and laughter. I write to clear my mind, to expel the shit that clogs my brain matter. I find since the little miss was born I’ve been neglecting many things, writing being one of them. Yes I know I have this, not the same I say. And really I’m surprised anyone reads the items that spit from my fingers.

I wish I could write here everyday. But life with plus one doesn’t always allow mummy to do everything she would like. Or everything she needs to do. I as some would say bounced back to prepregnancy weight pretty quick. I’ve always had an alarmingly fast metabolism. And breastfeeding seems to speed it up even more. Needless to say, I’m not just below that weight now.

NOT GOOD, so very very bad… Yes I’ll admit that the first few months eating was hard. She wasn’t very cooperative with me eating as I should. Now with the help of the miracle baby swing, I’ve been eating more. But I’ve dropped more weight. WHAT THE HELL. My midwives said that they didn’t want me dropping below 100lbs. Ummm no kidding I don’t want to either. But that number seems to becoming closer and closer on the scale.

Maybe I should just stay off the scale… what I don’t know can’t hurt me right? RIGHT??!!

It could be that I walk everywhere. With Adelayde strapped to my front, and I live in a three floor walk up. And I carry all my groceries home as well.. But for crying out loud. What do I need to do? I don’t want to weigh any less. But I can’t seem to keep the weight on..

What the heck can I do? Just sit on my ass watch my stories and eat bon-bons? I don’t think someone would be down with that.