Why I love you Wednesday…

We don’t get to choose who our children are, they choose us. And each and every day since this wee one was born, I’m thankful. And so very very in love. I was in love with you even before you were born, just the thought of seeing you. Set the tears in motion, and the heart swelling…

And here you are….

I never dreamed it possible to love like this. I always heard that a mothers love is so very powerful. I just didn’t fathom how awe-struck I would be when you were first placed on my chest. And my love for you grows each and every day.

I love waking up in the morning when I hear you stir. When I look over, and you lock eyes with me. And you get the biggest smile, and all four limbs start flaying. As if to say MUMMY good morning, you’re awake, come snuggle me!. Even on nights when you haven’t let mummy sleep, this makes it worth while.

I love when you cover your head with anything in arms reach. And then huff and puff until I come find you. You squeal like mad, and do it all over again, and again..

I love how frustrated you get when you can’t do what you want to do. Like get to that toy, just out of your reach. Or that you are too short to get that toy in your mouth on your jungle gym. So you scream and then cry. Tears in your eyes you thrust your arms out. Mummy will soothe me, and I always do

I love that everyone always stops us in the street to say hello. And you and your stubbornness, give them your best serious look. As soon as they walk away you smile at me. As if to say hahaha I’m not a circus animal, I’m not going to smile because you ask me.

I love when you place your hands on my cheeks and pull me in. Only to rub all your slobber across my face.

I love you today, tomorrow, and for always. Each day brings tears to my eyes, and makes my heart swell. Thank you for picking me to be your mummy xo

Ooh you found me!

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Music Monday

Today was a day of music… The wee one and I listened to a lot of City and Colour. I love Dallas Green. The man is a lyrical god, he had such a smooth voice and his fingers just glide across a guitar. And hell he is pretty easy on the eyes, and the tattoo’s top it for me! I came across this video of him on a children’s show on the CBC. It’s called “the gift”. Such a sweet song, about love for momma.

Watching this started our music Monday…..

And I will admit that it seemed a lot of sad songs were in our mix. And some tears were shed. I’m working through some momma guilt, and its the hardest guilt around. And its been awhile since I just let go, so I was thankful for this music Monday….

On the playlist today was…..

City and Colour —– The whole “Little Hell” Album. Listen to it you’ll fall in love with him too

Coldplay —- Just one song “Paradise” Struck a cord with me, haven’t listened to Coldplay in a long time.

Leonard Cohen —- “Old Idea’s” His new Album This man has still got it God bless good Canadian talent!

And some random songs by Never Ending White Lights, Bronx, and of course my stand by Radiohead. I heart Thom York too!

 

 

19 Weeks

My wee tater tot is 19 weeks old young today. I remember when it was her first 19 weeks. The day I got to find out if it was blue or pink.
I drank so much water, I thought I was going to pee myself. I actually almost did on the bus ride to the clinic. When I got there and signed in I realized it was extremely busy. Not a free chair in the waiting room. Crap I just wanted to sit down and cross my legs and pray that I could hold it in. I paced in circles, I may not have the strongest kegels now. But I sure as shit did then, and they were working overtime. My bladder was so full my eyes were starting to water.
I glanced at my watch for the like the hundredth time. Crap, they were behind. I went to the desk and pleaded with the receptionist. “please” I blubbered “I really can hold it” she sighed handed me this cup and told me I could go. BUT to only fill the cup half full. Sure, sure I snatched the cup and beelined it to the washroom.
When your bladder is more than over full. It is extremely hard to stop the flow once you start it. Or so I found out anyway.
Back out to the waiting room I go. I knew there was a reason they call it that. Because I waited some more. Needless to say, I had to plead with a different receptionist to let me pee more.
Finally my turn. I laid down on the table as the technician got everything ready. I was ever so thankful for the warm jelly. Only can imagine what would have happened of it was cold.
When she started the scan, she kind of laughed at me. “your bladder is too full. You’re going to have to empty it a bit” So really I could have filled both those cups and been fine.
Back on the table. I had to crane my neck as she swooshed her little wand around my growing belly. She was pretty silent as she took the measurements and what not. Which scared me a little. Until she turned the monitor. There in the middle of the screen, was this little heart beating so fast. My heart was in my mouth, my hands hurt from gripping each other. She asked if there was anyone in the waiting room she could get for me. I said nope it’s just me. Would you like to know what it is?
I had been waiting for this question for 19 weeks. Fuck Yes I did. I already knew, but I wanted to hear it. It’s a girl she said pointing to as she said the hamburg lines. Tears were streaming down my face. It all seemed so real. To be able to see her rolling and kicking around in there.

This was one of the pictures I got. It kind of creeped me out. But there she was staring back at me, and waving hello. Saying not too much longer mummy.