Baby Schedules?!

Am I the worlds worst mum, or just stupid? I don’t really have Miss Adelayde on any type of schedule, is this wrong of me? All I keep hearing about or reading about lately is sleep schedule this wake schedule that.This is why she doesn’t sleep through the night, you haven’t trained her to do so.

Ummm last time I checked I had a daughter, not a dog.

I mean we do pretty much wake up around the same time every morning. Lately its been about 6:30-7am, I change her and then feed her in bed. Hoping beyond hope that she might fall back asleep for a little bit. That never happens. So we move out into the living room, and I put her on her mat for a bit of play time. I’d say about 9ish she is ready for a bit of a nap. It only ends up being a shorty maybe an hour. And yes I do have to rock her to sleep. If I don’t she would never sleep, so yes I spoil her as most would say. She feeds about every three hours still.

Who the hell am I kidding, she feeds when she wants to. Perhaps I make my boobs to available. Ha I’m sure a few boy friends would have liked me to make them as accessible to them as I do to her. I hear of people who give them a soother, the child not the boy friend. To stave off a feeding, I can’t do that. And why would you do that? Is that normal to do? Once again am I living under a rock and know nothing about these silly tricks if you want to call them that. God forbid she miss out on eating! I say she likes to eat because she was so small at birth, she is just trying to catch up. Or maybe it’s just because I love to feed her too. It’s OUR time, ha all the time is our time. But when you breastfeed its just a special time, and the feel good hormones are a bonus too!

I try with some success to get her to sleep between 8-9pm. Doesn’t always work, it was for a bit. Then everything changed, her sleeping and eating. I say growth spurt. So about 11-12 she has her last feed before real bedtime. That is when she actually gets put into her bassinet or in bed with me. (yes I do co-sleep from time to time… But that’s a whole other post) And then the night-time feeds begin. About every three hours, sometimes I’ll luck out and get four hours. I do the feeds in bed, not lying down. I never could master that. And the fact my mattress is older than me I’m sure, so it sags a bit in the middle so we can’t do the side feed. I’m sure that would save on time and sleep. But we can’t do things the easy way. Most of the time I do the nod. You know, like you do when you are falling asleep somewhere you shouldn’t. And you chin hits your chest, and it jolts you awake.

And then the dance of the two of us starts all over. We don’t go out every day, and I wouldn’t want to make it the same time. Somethings you just can’t plan I say….

But am I really the only one who isn’t rigid with her child? Sorry if you are, I’m not knocking schedules. I know she needs some routine. So then I guess yes I am a terrible mum. Bad mummy bad…



Horrible mommy day :(

I felt like a horrible mommy today. Adelayde was a bear for the last few days. Not sleeping long, crying A LOT, and feeding every hour. Of course I was doing everything I could. Feeding her when she wanted, even when I felt like just a food vessel. Rocking her, swaddling her, changing her. Nothing was working. I was at my wit’s end…..

I went to change her an hour ago, and like most times. I check her tiny toes for toe jam. I┬áhaven’t in a while, because low and behold. A mommy hair, wrapped tightly around her right middle toe. And when I say wrapped I mean, so tight it was cutting off circulation. Her cute little baby toe was a whole other color to the rest of them. Of course I panic, not smart. Because she now freaks out more as well. She rips her foot from my grasp, she wants me far away from it. But I want it off, give me back your foot PLEASE.

By this point I’m in tears with her. I don’t know what to do, I can’t find an end. It’s wrapped around twice, and I’m scared. So what do I do I call my handy-dandy midwives. I don’t know what else to do. I feel horrible having to interrupt their lives. But they called me right back and tried to calm me, so they could give me some direction. She said to try to get my nail under it and break it. Easier said then done, I had cut all my nails off the day before. She then suggested to soak it in warm water to try to loosen this. This was hard task to do, with a scream baby. And and equally crying mother. Out come my super sharp tweezers, which I was scared to use. They are tweezerman, and if you have a pair you know how sharp they are.

An hour goes by of me trying everything, but I think I got it. I know this by not being able to see it, not like I really could anyway. It was pretty deep in there. But she stopped crying and basically passed out in my arms. I wont really know until the swelling goes down. But there is a bit more normal color to it. But if in the morning it doesn’t look any better, we will go to the walk in down the street. My midwife said that she has heard about it, but had never know it happen to anyone. Yup that’s me, trail blazer.

Stupid me when she was asleep, went on the internet. I think I would lose my mind if they had to cut her toe. Note to self…. be more of a monkey and groom groom!

Rough nights

The past few nights have been tough ones. She has decided that 3am is a perfectly decent time to be awake. It baffles me, since she has always been good at night. She will sleep for her three hours, I’ll change her feed her, and off to la la land she will go. But not so for the last two. And she doesn’t go back to sleep until 9am. Needless to say I’m tired so very very tired.

I guess it could be a bit of a growth spurt, she is showing the signs. All she wants to do it eat, and is my little fuss pot the rest of the time. Sometimes it hard when you don’t have anyone to hand her over to. When you just can’t take it. When you just want to squeeze her until she stops. Now I would never do that. But I have had the thought, and I want to smack myself every time I think it. What kind of mother am I to even have that thought cross my mind?!.

She can’t fall off the floor I always say. Sometimes I have to just set her down and walk away. And I hate to do that, all I want to do is be near her. I do realize that I do need time for myself. But it seems that I’ve almost forgotten who the me was before her. One of the reasons I’ve started this blog. I use to journal all the time, I just can’t seem to find the time any more. This way at least I can do it all on my phone when I’m holding her.

Haha I just wish I knew how to really navigate myself around on here. Me and technology never were the best of friends. Well I guess I should try to get some sleep. As we speak, or as I type really she is dozing in and out next to me. Perhaps if I put her in her bed she will doze right off. Lets just cross our fingers that tonight will be a better night. And tomorrow maybe some fresh air will do her some good. We’ve stayed in doors the last few days. Its been very windy and chilly, and I just couldn’t drag my ass outside. See I am horrible, she needs to go out. Even if I don’t want to right?!