These last few days I’ve been hunkered down, dealing with a nasty virus. It was awful.
I’m thankful that she fared better than me. Another reason to love breast feeding. She gained antibodies to fend off the worse of it. Mind you my milk has suffered a bit do to the lack of eating. And the lovely few pounds I had gained back. Sigh were flushed down the toilet.
It really was the hardest few days. I’ve never looked more forward to bedtime in all my life. At least then I could snuggle with her. Roll her over to feed and still somewhat sleep. Mind you that is all I wanted to do. Curl in a ball and sleep.
When you are a single mum, there are no sick days. Somehow you have to find a way to push through. I don’t know how I did it. I did feel like a bad mum. I couldn’t play with her as much as I should have. It was painful to pick her up.
There was no lack of of me trying to find someone to come and give me a hand. But everyone works, or has their own wee ones. And I didn’t want them to get sick.
I was thankful for my local restaurant. The manager brought me toast the last few mornings. Good peeps!
But I could have killed for someone just to come over for an hour. Entertain her so I could curl up on the couch and wallow.
Does it get easier?
What ways to you find to cope?
Sometimes I wonder about this wee one. I will have weeks when she seems to have her own little time table. And others she could care less.
The other night she decided that she didn’t want to sleep. She wanted to read, ok chew her pooh book. And watch hockey with her momma.
And I know she is tired because it is the only time she will seek out her soother.
But make an attempt to put her to bed and she loses her mind.
I’m not one to force her to do anything. She will do it, what ever it is in her own time. It’s like anything with babies, they learn at their own pace. They eat when they want. Learn to crawl when they do.
Maybe I’m setting myself up for challenges in the future. Well that’s what my sister says anyway.
Until then, I guess some nights. I’ll have a partner to watch hockey with.
Oh this wee one, she has me wrapped around her finger. Hell she did the moment I first felt her kick. This last week has been one for the books. Its like having a newborn all over again. And I’m at my wits end for what its all about.
Oooh and now that she is rolling, its opened a whole new can of worms. I’ve never seen someone so happy that she accomplished something. And two minutes later so absoultly pissed off. I think this is only because she can’t get to what she wants. So she screams, and its horrible frustration screams. I try not to let her scream it out for long. But I do want her to try and figure things out for herself.
She screams louder…. I’m sure saying look woman just pick me up damit.
And of course I do. And it then takes five minute to get her settled back down. So I now have a child that I put down to play, and the first thing she does is roll over. Because hey I can why shouldn’t I. What use to be my saving grace to be able to wash dishes, or whip up a quick meal is now gone.
Learning is hard…..
And the fact that her poor little mouth hurts.. Cut a fucking tooth please I beg. Each morning I hope that a tiny pearly white will be looking back at me. She drools like a champ, chews on anything she can fit in her mouth. And even if she can she tries anyway. And then screams as she does it.
My wee one that just a week ago was hardly sleeping is now taking more naps. In my arms I might add, not wanting to be put down much at all. And if I do…. Yup you guessed it, she screams. Not that I’m complaining about the extra cuddles. And feeding oh lord, now we want to feed more. And not always a full feed. Sometimes just enough to calm her down.
The past few nights have been tough ones. She has decided that 3am is a perfectly decent time to be awake. It baffles me, since she has always been good at night. She will sleep for her three hours, I’ll change her feed her, and off to la la land she will go. But not so for the last two. And she doesn’t go back to sleep until 9am. Needless to say I’m tired so very very tired.
I guess it could be a bit of a growth spurt, she is showing the signs. All she wants to do it eat, and is my little fuss pot the rest of the time. Sometimes it hard when you don’t have anyone to hand her over to. When you just can’t take it. When you just want to squeeze her until she stops. Now I would never do that. But I have had the thought, and I want to smack myself every time I think it. What kind of mother am I to even have that thought cross my mind?!.
She can’t fall off the floor I always say. Sometimes I have to just set her down and walk away. And I hate to do that, all I want to do is be near her. I do realize that I do need time for myself. But it seems that I’ve almost forgotten who the me was before her. One of the reasons I’ve started this blog. I use to journal all the time, I just can’t seem to find the time any more. This way at least I can do it all on my phone when I’m holding her.
Haha I just wish I knew how to really navigate myself around on here. Me and technology never were the best of friends. Well I guess I should try to get some sleep. As we speak, or as I type really she is dozing in and out next to me. Perhaps if I put her in her bed she will doze right off. Lets just cross our fingers that tonight will be a better night. And tomorrow maybe some fresh air will do her some good. We’ve stayed in doors the last few days. Its been very windy and chilly, and I just couldn’t drag my ass outside. See I am horrible, she needs to go out. Even if I don’t want to right?!