Tightening the purse strings

I can’t sleep. I sit here with the wee one peacefully unaware of my dilemma. I still have a few more months to weigh the pros and cons.
I really really do NOT want to return to work. I may be a tad old fashion, but I believe that a mothers place is with her children. I do realize that this is not always possible. But I’m going to try with all my power to make it happen.
Currently I’m on maternity leave, so I’m collecting EI. It has been a tough go. But it’s a million times better than welfare assistance. I think welfare is a dirty word. And a stigma is very much attached to it.
Yes that’s right I’m considering going on assistance to stay home and watch my only daughter grow. Judge me if you want.
Yes I’ve looked into applying for it. EI seems like a cake walk. As much as I’ve complained about how little they give you. Assistance is much, much less. I hate money, I’ve never been good with it. And I want to give her so much. I’m already living at the poverty level. If I take assistance, funny they call it that. I’ll be living far below it.
I’m torn. And it’s breaking my heart. I’d love to find a data entry work from home kinda thing. Finding a ligit one seems like a job in its self.
Sometimes I think that being a single mother is like having a massive Scarlett letter.

Wordless Wednesday

I know I said wordless. But I should explain my absence. It won’t last for long, as this helps me keep my sanity. Thanks to everyone who still sticks around, and reads my ramblings.

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When my niece was in town, we decided to go to the aquarium. It was the first time for all of us. The wee Miss LOVED it, mind you so did we.

Seven months

My wee one has blessed my heart and life for seven months today. Sure it has had its hard moments. But I wouldn’t change one second of it.
I’ve realized how dull and boring my life was before her. Nothing gives me more pleasure then being a mother. Not only was she born seven months ago. But so was I. I will now and forever more be a mother.
Sure, there are moments that I miss the before life. But those are fleeting moments. All I have to do is look at that beautiful face smiling back at me. And I know that all the sleepless nights. The tears, poop, spit up, sore arms, crying. And everything else is so worth it. I’m so glad she picked me to be her mother. I hope that I can raise her right, and she can do the same for me. I’ve already grown so much. It’s amazing what such a tiny little being can do to you.

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Body image issues….

Here we go again. We went for our 6 month check up last week. And once again I’m getting comments about her weight. And was told to try to not over feed her. Yup that’s what I’m doing, fattening her up to join Hansel and Gretel at the ginger bread house.

First, you can’t over feed a breastfed child. She eats when she wants to eat. I could offer her the boob all day, and she will only take it when she wants. And yes she is starting solids. But with me doing the baby led, once again she eats what and how much she wants.

Second, she is much more mobile. So really she would weigh a whole lot more if she wasn’t.

It just angers me to no end. She is a happy healthy 18.2lb little girl. With beautiful chubby cheeks. And the cutest rolls ever. And there is no need to start to give my wee girl body image issues this early.

This world is so worried about obesity that they are starting to manifest it on babies. Girls have a hard enough time this day and age. I want her to grow up happy with who she is and with how she looks. And if a doctor ever says to her when she is really old enough to understand. I’ll punch them out.

There is no crying in baseball

Funny how a movie from the early 90’s can still produce one liners. For some reason, myself and one of my friends say this to her. And funny enough it does make her stop, even for a moment. As if to ask, why are you telling me not to cry. I want to damn it and I will.

Last week was a hum dinger. She was going through a rough teething period. The worst yet.

Hey tooth fairy… Send this girl a tooth please!!

Six Months

Six Months

Where has six months gone already?!
Never has days and months passed so quickly.
It seems like only yesterday you were being placed on my chest. Now you are becoming more and more independent.

Every day you are filling my life, and heart with more joy and love then I ever thought possible.
Thank you for the best six months of my life. I can’t wait for the months ahead.

Breastfeeding is bliss

Breastfeeding is bliss, I have no other words to explain it. I would have it no other way. She was, and is a breastfeeding champ. I was adamant that I was going to breastfeed. Why wouldn’t I? Of course I feared complications that would make it so I couldn’t. But those fears were put to rest, within the first five minutes of her taking her first breath. She was latched and happy, we both were.

First latch

How can mother nature be wrong right?! She made all of us mammals with exactly what our offspring need. And it’s right there ready and waiting. I never wanted or want a bottle to touch her lips. I’ve got the only nipples she needs. And I can’t imagine having to deal with all the cleaning and sterilizing. Boiling of water, testing to make sure it’s not too hot. This wee one has always been demanding when it comes to food. It’s now and I mean NOW… I can’t fathom having to do all that with her wailing in my ear.

And the benefits, oh my the benefits of our boobs. It’s liquid gold really, and pharmaceutical companies are still trying to duplicate it. For the first six months of life, it is all they need. It protects them from a wide aray of illnesses. Now and later in life. As well as antibodies already in your breast milk, your body will make new antibodies as soon as you are exposed to an infection. These antibodies then transfer to your milk, ready for your baby to receive. It has been proven that breastfed babies, test higher on IQ tests. The longer you can breastfeed, the better it is for them and for you

Momma’s get just as many benefits as the babes. We have less risk for many cancers, better bone density later in life. It staves off that monthly friend just a little while longer. But don’t let that fool you into thinking that you can’t get pregnant during this time. Best to use protection, just in case. It helps aid in weight loss. Or in my case HUGE weight loss. The extra bonding you get is the most amazing thing in the world.

Yes I know, not everyone can. For a multitude of reason’s. For them I can’t imagine how they must feel. I’m blessed that I’ve been lucky. Sure a teething child grinding their sore gums on your nipple is not the most pleasant of feelings. And blocked ducts are not my idea of fun. The first month I’d say are tough, until you are both comfortable and become pros. There are many resources out there to help you on your journey. Join a La Leche group in your community. Talk to your doctor/midwife/nurse a friend. And don’t be afraid to nurse in public. At first you may be a bit shy to whip out your boob at a moments notice. But soon it wont bother you at all. Most malls etc have rooms for nursing. Some stores even have sign that state they are breastfeeding friendly. Me I’ll just sit down where ever, we have the right to feed our child where ever and how ever. Don’t let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it even helps to have a nurse in. Get a few of your momma friends and go out and feed together in a group. You might feel less awkward when it’s not just you.

I love bringing able to look down at my beautiful girl, and have her staring back up at me. The way she strokes my chest with her hand. The way she smiles at me when she is done. A trickle of milk in the corner of her mouth. And knowing its all me that has made this plump thriving happy girl. I plan to continue to nurse as long as I can, or as long as she wants. I hope it doesn’t mean that she will be a university student coming home for lunch.

Almost six months and going strong

Star Wars

Yup I’m a geek, I like star wars. It’s like a car crash when ever its on T.V I can’t look away. I’ve seen them all a million times, but as I flip mindlessly through channels. And come across Yoda, that’s it I’m useless until it’s over.

I mean the wee ones name would have been Anakin if she was a boy. Yes Darth Vader. The force is strong with this one, I can feel it. Needless to say I find myself shopping in the boys section at stores to find things for her. And I don’t care. I don’t have to dress her in pink all the freaking time. I came across this onesie the other day, and couldn’t resist.

The force is stong with this one

And hell she looks pretty damn cute in it too!