No time

Ugh, I’ve been trying to get on here for what seems like forever. But what fleeting moments the wee one has given me. Have been spent doing dishes, cleaning up after her. Or just going to bed.
Why does it seem like all I’m doing as of late. Is caring for her (which I love, I might add) and cleaning. But it’s not getting the cleaning that I do need to get done. It’s the what has gotten dirty today. Not the scrubbing that I desperately need to get done.

The photos of these happy homemakers. Whom have a spotless home, perfect children, and cookies baking in the oven. Make me want to claw their eyes out. How the hell really!?

The fact of the matter is. My wee one has me almost at my wits end. Seriously, if I had balls. She would have me by them. For some reason this past week. She refuses to nap or sleep unless she is somehow on me. Or half on me, or touching distance. It makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.

Is this a faze? Is she teething again?

Now she has always been my speed racer. She goes from my sweet sun shiny smiley pumpkin. To a screaming crying mess. In 3.2 seconds. Take last night for example. I don’t know what set her off this time. But she wouldn’t settle/calm down. Overtired perhaps, that is normally the case lately. I just couldn’t take it. I was thinking to myself, who the hell left this screaming child on my floor. And I had to leave her there, and step outside. Because it was literally making me sweat and scrambling my brain. Her cries has always done that to me. I really can’t think straight when she gets that way. She got herself so worked up. She couldn’t catch her breath. And was shaking. It took half an hour to calm her down.

This is also what happens when I try to put her anywhere to sleep. Why I haven’t done it often. Because it breaks my heart. Cry it out is really not for us.

I don’t talk about these things with many people. I always feel like I’m being judged on my mothering skills. But it’s safe here, no one really knows me

But damn it I’m a good mum. Hell a great mum. I just struggle sometimes.

This was earlier in the day.

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And this would be an hour ago.

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8 thoughts on “No time

  1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I was nodding along to everything as I was reading this post. I find now that Arddun’s started on solids, I spend even more of my day doing baby-related things, and I have an obsessive relationship with anti-bacterial wipes. And teething – especially the two front teeth – just turns them into Jekyll and Hyde! But your girl looks so adorable – whether she’s crying or not!

  2. So true…you are not alone hon! Alarik is teething and has been for a long time now and it’s crazy making business!! The growing pains and everything else can cause my sweet little boy to become a flaming ball of fury…and the screaming, OH MY GOOD GOD the screaming…can cause any sane person to become a blubbering fool. Sometimes, I think it’s the only and the best choice to just walk away for a bit and try to catch your breathe and start again. You said it the best, you are an awesome Mom and are doing an amazing job. We love you and can hardly wait to see you both soon!! Take care my darling…and be strong.

  3. Good for you for knowing when you need to step outside for a moment and have a breather. Much easier said than done. We went several months where my son would only nap if it was with me. As a result, I never got a break during the day to take a rest myself or accomplish some tasks. Made me pretty irritable. Now he’s napping in his own crib and seems better rested. (We used cry it out, which is tough!)

    P.S. Love her leg warmers!

  4. I think we judge ourselves the hardest. I also think evolution made our baby’s screams curdle our blood so that we’d take care of them (ie make them stop). Really, why else would we stick around to listen to that? And how else would the human race be perpetuated!?

    Happy Mother’s Day – you deserve it!

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