I highly doubt that I’ll be making the midnight hour. Doesn’t really bother me, I haven’t really done anything for New Years in years. To me it has really been just another day. But I do admit I do a lot of reflecting over the next 24 hours. Not that I accomplish many of the things I ponder, but thinking about them is the first step right??…..
What do I have to say about 2011?…..
Well the year started off with me finding out I was pregnant. So that was one for the good things side of the page. But I also had a very good friend take a job in the states. (bad side). (good side) I did go and visit him for a weekend. (bad and good side) I left my baby daddy. Good because we never should have been together in the first place. Good, because my wee one came of it. Bad because I have to find a way to deal with him for a very long time. When all I want to do is run far far away. (bad side) Another friend moved to the states to be with the one she loved. Miss her greatly. (good side) Two of my favorite girls had beautiful healthy baby boys. Needless to say they both live far far away. And I’d love to have them closer, so our children could grow up together. (good side) My daughter was born, and she made me the happiest woman ever. I can’t think of anything better that this year has given me than her. (good side) I had lots of visits from my family. I don’t get to see them enough since I moved here, so its been a plus.
There are many other things, but these are the ones that stick in my head. I’m sure I could tell you a lot of things for the bad side. But I prefer not to dwell on the negative any longer than I have to. If I do I just stew about it and get all melancholy and just end up feeling worse. And I can’t be like that any more.
What do I want/need out of 2012?…..
Hmm that’s hard, I’ve never made resolutions. Many reasons, manly because I don’t like to fail at things. So if I fuck up and break one I would kick myself for a very long time. So I’ll tell you things that I’d like to happen, Geesh I guess that kind of is resolutions.
Well many thing is to keep raising my happy, health, thriving young woman. And teach her to be respectful, considerate, strong, compassionate, and remind her to be her, not what others want her to be. Yes I know she is only three and a half months. Buts it never too early to instill the finer points right?!
Now this is the hard one. I MUST MUST find a way not to go back to my job. Don’t get me wrong I liked my job, but I can do it with my eyes closed. There is far too much high school drama that goes on there. There is no room for advancement, the pay is shit. I’d only be working to pay for child care. I need to figure out a way to stay at home. So if anyone knows of a way to help me achieve this please please let me know.
Many this will be the year that I’ll figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
Try to spend more time with my family, or at least keep more in touch. I want my tater tot to know and remember my family. That is the one thing that bothers me living so far away from them. And heck I do miss them.
Try and be better to myself…
Do more things that make ME happy
Find love…. This is not just finding a lover so to speak. But to love me as well.
I just wish that everyone I love and respect to find what they want and need in the year ahead. And pray that they are happy and healthy.
The same goes to all that read this.. reflect on each day and remember to find the goodness in everything. Even when its hard to do so. I have to learn that myself….
Happy New Year