No time

Ugh, I’ve been trying to get on here for what seems like forever. But what fleeting moments the wee one has given me. Have been spent doing dishes, cleaning up after her. Or just going to bed.
Why does it seem like all I’m doing as of late. Is caring for her (which I love, I might add) and cleaning. But it’s not getting the cleaning that I do need to get done. It’s the what has gotten dirty today. Not the scrubbing that I desperately need to get done.

The photos of these happy homemakers. Whom have a spotless home, perfect children, and cookies baking in the oven. Make me want to claw their eyes out. How the hell really!?

The fact of the matter is. My wee one has me almost at my wits end. Seriously, if I had balls. She would have me by them. For some reason this past week. She refuses to nap or sleep unless she is somehow on me. Or half on me, or touching distance. It makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.

Is this a faze? Is she teething again?

Now she has always been my speed racer. She goes from my sweet sun shiny smiley pumpkin. To a screaming crying mess. In 3.2 seconds. Take last night for example. I don’t know what set her off this time. But she wouldn’t settle/calm down. Overtired perhaps, that is normally the case lately. I just couldn’t take it. I was thinking to myself, who the hell left this screaming child on my floor. And I had to leave her there, and step outside. Because it was literally making me sweat and scrambling my brain. Her cries has always done that to me. I really can’t think straight when she gets that way. She got herself so worked up. She couldn’t catch her breath. And was shaking. It took half an hour to calm her down.

This is also what happens when I try to put her anywhere to sleep. Why I haven’t done it often. Because it breaks my heart. Cry it out is really not for us.

I don’t talk about these things with many people. I always feel like I’m being judged on my mothering skills. But it’s safe here, no one really knows me

But damn it I’m a good mum. Hell a great mum. I just struggle sometimes.

This was earlier in the day.

20120421-211038.jpg

And this would be an hour ago.

20120421-211224.jpg

Seven months

My wee one has blessed my heart and life for seven months today. Sure it has had its hard moments. But I wouldn’t change one second of it.
I’ve realized how dull and boring my life was before her. Nothing gives me more pleasure then being a mother. Not only was she born seven months ago. But so was I. I will now and forever more be a mother.
Sure, there are moments that I miss the before life. But those are fleeting moments. All I have to do is look at that beautiful face smiling back at me. And I know that all the sleepless nights. The tears, poop, spit up, sore arms, crying. And everything else is so worth it. I’m so glad she picked me to be her mother. I hope that I can raise her right, and she can do the same for me. I’ve already grown so much. It’s amazing what such a tiny little being can do to you.

20120412-211355.jpg

20120412-211409.jpg

Young love

This is a picture I took today. It is of my wee one, and my best friends youngest. He was born a month and a half after mine. In jolly ol England.
She came for a visit for a month. I’ve missed her and her little family dearly. What I would have done to have shared our pregnancies together.
We always said. Prearranged marriage is ok for our wee ones. Well that is if he doesn’t get cock blocked by his older brother. Whom adored my girl.
Until next time my beautiful friend. Thanks for some memories

20120410-190937.jpg

Baby’s first tattoo

I’m amazed how many people actually thought I would tattoo my child. The other night, my best friend had an appointment with Marky. She was getting her other sons name done on her wrist.
And I thought it would be a riot to make it look like we were going to tattoo the wee one. Of course Marky was all for it, because he has a twisted mind like me.
So this photo was the out come. I love the way she is looking at him. As if to say. Yup I’m ready, let’s do this. She didn’t even pull away or anything.
But I’m still holding strong that she won’t want any. Or at least hold out for as long as I did before I started.
After we were mad we didn’t draw a heart that said “mom” for an after photo. That would throw everyone for more of a loop.
I posted it to Facebook. And was amazed at the comments. People really thought I would let anyone mark that perfect skin. And no way in hell Marky would do it any way.
Silly people. But fuck was it funny

20120407-210425.jpg

Parenting when sick

These last few days I’ve been hunkered down, dealing with a nasty virus. It was awful.
I’m thankful that she fared better than me. Another reason to love breast feeding. She gained antibodies to fend off the worse of it. Mind you my milk has suffered a bit do to the lack of eating. And the lovely few pounds I had gained back. Sigh were flushed down the toilet.
It really was the hardest few days. I’ve never looked more forward to bedtime in all my life. At least then I could snuggle with her. Roll her over to feed and still somewhat sleep. Mind you that is all I wanted to do. Curl in a ball and sleep.
When you are a single mum, there are no sick days. Somehow you have to find a way to push through. I don’t know how I did it. I did feel like a bad mum. I couldn’t play with her as much as I should have. It was painful to pick her up.
There was no lack of of me trying to find someone to come and give me a hand. But everyone works, or has their own wee ones. And I didn’t want them to get sick.
I was thankful for my local restaurant. The manager brought me toast the last few mornings. Good peeps!
But I could have killed for someone just to come over for an hour. Entertain her so I could curl up on the couch and wallow.
Does it get easier?
What ways to you find to cope?

Body image issues….

Here we go again. We went for our 6 month check up last week. And once again I’m getting comments about her weight. And was told to try to not over feed her. Yup that’s what I’m doing, fattening her up to join Hansel and Gretel at the ginger bread house.

First, you can’t over feed a breastfed child. She eats when she wants to eat. I could offer her the boob all day, and she will only take it when she wants. And yes she is starting solids. But with me doing the baby led, once again she eats what and how much she wants.

Second, she is much more mobile. So really she would weigh a whole lot more if she wasn’t.

It just angers me to no end. She is a happy healthy 18.2lb little girl. With beautiful chubby cheeks. And the cutest rolls ever. And there is no need to start to give my wee girl body image issues this early.

This world is so worried about obesity that they are starting to manifest it on babies. Girls have a hard enough time this day and age. I want her to grow up happy with who she is and with how she looks. And if a doctor ever says to her when she is really old enough to understand. I’ll punch them out.

There is no crying in baseball

Funny how a movie from the early 90’s can still produce one liners. For some reason, myself and one of my friends say this to her. And funny enough it does make her stop, even for a moment. As if to ask, why are you telling me not to cry. I want to damn it and I will.

Last week was a hum dinger. She was going through a rough teething period. The worst yet.

Hey tooth fairy… Send this girl a tooth please!!

Six Months

Six Months

Where has six months gone already?!
Never has days and months passed so quickly.
It seems like only yesterday you were being placed on my chest. Now you are becoming more and more independent.

Every day you are filling my life, and heart with more joy and love then I ever thought possible.
Thank you for the best six months of my life. I can’t wait for the months ahead.

Solids Yummy

So today is day two of our journey into baby-led weaning. I know, I know wait until she is six months. But she will be on Monday, and I was getting tired of food being stolen off my plate. So I figured I would give it a whrill.

Now I tossed it over and over in my head regarding how I was going to introduce solids to her. Was I going to go the traditional, how I and most people I know started. Or try out the baby-led way. So I was off to the races, researching the pro’s and con’s of both. I don’t just jump into things, I need to know both sides of everything. Maybe it’s the Gemini in me, maybe I’m just anal retentive.. Either way, baby-led was the way I settled on.

And after reading the book by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett, I was sold. It just seemed so simple and knock yourself in the head way it should be. She eats what I eat. You learn to chew first, than swallow. Not swallow then chew like in the tradition way. Now the first few months they say that it is more exploration then eating. You will know if they are eating, by their poop. I guess it gives you something to look forward to when you are changing diapers. Which I found out yesterday…. Someone really likes bananas.

So yesterday, as mentioned above we had bananas. They are slippery buggers. And she found it hard to figure out the holding bit. And the more she handled it, the more slippery it got. So in the end I did help her out a bit. Which they say not to do. But I always modify things to suit my parenting needs and ways.

But once she got the hang of it, there was no stopping her. I think I’m still cleaning banana out of her nose today.

Today we tried out some sliced cucumber and peaches. Once again, peaches are a bit hard to handle. But both were also a hit.

I’m just glad that she is enjoying it. And I don’t feel like I’m forcing her to eat. She eats what she wants, and I let her take as long as she wants. If she gets bored so be it.

I’m not promoting baby-led, I’m just sharing another day in our life. Everyone has the right to choose what is right and what works for them.

How did you introduce solids to your little one? Or how are you going to?