Rough nights

The past few nights have been tough ones. She has decided that 3am is a perfectly decent time to be awake. It baffles me, since she has always been good at night. She will sleep for her three hours, I’ll change her feed her, and off to la la land she will go. But not so for the last two. And she doesn’t go back to sleep until 9am. Needless to say I’m tired so very very tired.

I guess it could be a bit of a growth spurt, she is showing the signs. All she wants to do it eat, and is my little fuss pot the rest of the time. Sometimes it hard when you don’t have anyone to hand her over to. When you just can’t take it. When you just want to squeeze her until she stops. Now I would never do that. But I have had the thought, and I want to smack myself every time I think it. What kind of mother am I to even have that thought cross my mind?!.

She can’t fall off the floor I always say. Sometimes I have to just set her down and walk away. And I hate to do that, all I want to do is be near her. I do realize that I do need time for myself. But it seems that I’ve almost forgotten who the me was before her. One of the reasons I’ve started this blog. I use to journal all the time, I just can’t seem to find the time any more. This way at least I can do it all on my phone when I’m holding her.

Haha I just wish I knew how to really navigate myself around on here. Me and technology never were the best of friends. Well I guess I should try to get some sleep. As we speak, or as I type really she is dozing in and out next to me. Perhaps if I put her in her bed she will doze right off. Lets just cross our fingers that tonight will be a better night. And tomorrow maybe some fresh air will do her some good. We’ve stayed in doors the last few days. Its been very windy and chilly, and I just couldn’t drag my ass outside. See I am horrible, she needs to go out. Even if I don’t want to right?!